Chain drive
“Austin is already at the center of the bicycling culture, with flatlands on one side and hills on the other, and great weather for cycling.
All we need is more bikeways to make it the perfect place for bikes to rule.” — LAWRENCE WRIGHT
author of “Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief” and “Thirteen Days in September: The Dramatic Story of the Struggle for Peace.”
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A rising star, Paul Soileau brightens Austin’s shimmering skyline. But he didn’t conquer the “Live Music Capital of the World” all by himself. Part of his strange brilliance depends on the kindness of strangers — especially when he’s inebriated.
The New Orleans transplant is the creative force behind trash-punk superstar Christeene “Fix My Dick” Vale. He’s also a SXSW expert who knows that two-wheeling to gigs is the best way to beat traffic. “Seriously, you can’t drive. You won’t get to your destination — not during South By. So you bike,” he says. With her fright wig, slimy lipstick and meth-tweaker contacts, witnessing Christeene bicycling to performances can leave passersby star-struck. “You can’t get that reaction in a car. People scream — like they just saw Cruella de Vil flying down the road,” he says. The post-show victory lap, however, can be especially tragic. “I pray I make it home in one piece. One drunken spill, I was in heels and ran into a garbage can. I fell over three times until someone came out and said, ‘Hey, girl. I’m walking you home,’” he wistfully remembers . Soileau is accustomed to surviving without a motorized vehicle. And compared to the Big Easy, he favors our don’t-mess-with Texas roads. “Oh, biking through Austin is much easier. In New Orleans, the potholes are deep as your knees. You can die,” he warns. Slaloming along our charming streets while heading toward South Congress also inspires Solieau’s verse-chorus skills. “Biking gives me the best perspective to write lyrics. The way you can see everything all around you is such a luxury. I remember hitting really good lyrics while living on 13th Street and biking to work at Jo’s Coffee.” Which song? “Bustin’ Brown,” he says What lyrics? “I ain’t messing with making no babies / That shit for the front and the tee-tee / I want sex / Triple X / Help me / Can’t you see? “I wrote all my first songs in Austin,” he continues. “But bicycle time is good time. You have to fight the elements — going up hills. You use whatever you got to get where you gotta go. Today, I did everything I needed to do on a bike — when I could have convinced myself to drive a car,” he says. Where’d you bike? “To the East Side where my truck was stuck. Someone tried to screwdriver the ignition off with a hammer. They left their tools in my truck and went through my glove compartment. All I had was a K.D. Lang cassette, which they didn’t take. “I also biked to meet you here — at the so-called ‘church’ of Scientology. I hate these motherfuckers. And don’t tell me it’s a religion, because it’s not. And if they ain’t a religion, they need to pay taxes. “I also biked to my HAAM appointment. In Texas, you have health insurance if you can prove you’re a working musician — and your income sucks. Even with Obamacare, I get dental care through HAAM. They offer psychiatric help, if you need it,” he explains. Soileau is informed that he doesn’t need any medical, dental or psychological help. The only thing he needs is L. Ron Hubbard’s Dianetics. “Don’t point at me when you say that,” he snaps. |